// written on Wednesday, April 29, 2026 @ 3:21pm in the cafe — the Lord arrested me with the song linked at the very end, please listen to it //
I often find myself in these little “writer ruts” because there is so much that I want to share, but somehow cannot manage to get it all out — either in conversation or in writing or in processing, but I’ll try my best in this email.
p.s. I’ll send another email out soon, this is mainly from Feb-April
We can learn a lot from babies. They are so simple. Sometimes all they need is a new diaper, a warm bottle, some kisses + snuggles, a song, and a nap. I need that.
1 Peter 2:25 —“For you were like sheep being led astray, but you have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.”
Let me also preface by saying, I’m so tired. So tired and exhausted in every way, and having a hard time, so please feel free to call me, text me, or send me a hand-written letter in the mail with encouragement, or if you’re nearby, please hug me. I really need a hug. I can’t really or fully explain how or why or what hurts, but I just know everyday feels like a rollercoaster, and like I’ve been body-slammed. God is touching more things in me and in my soul than ever before and all my natural strength, zeal, goodness, and even love (for Him and others) is running out (I’m still holding on LOL, but learning to let go), and all my future plans are changing. I also have been really overwhelmed because I have SO many unread texts (sorry if I haven’t replied), and I don’t know how to answer the question, “How are you?” anymore.
“Strive to choose, not that which is easiest, but that which is most difficult. Do not deprive your soul of the agility which it needs to mount up to Him,”
— Saint John of the Cross —
But it’s been a term of returning (or, rather re-turning) again and again and again. Finding the Lord, holding onto Him, and not letting Him go. Falling on my face and having the courage to get up again, saying the wrong thing and apologizing and sometimes not, being tired and just taking the much needed rest (which, if you know me, you know this is hard for me). This year (and these past few months) have been filled with really high highs, really low lows, and just about everything in-between. My soul has been a VERY busy place — think a coffee shop/cafe or the highway that you avoid because you know that it’s too busy.
“The disciple is one who has made a very simple decision. Jesus invites us to follow Him, and the disciple accepts the invitation. I do not say it is an easy decision, and I have found that it needs to be renewed daily. The conditions are not such as to attract multitudes. Jesus stated them: 1) He must leave self behind, 2) He must take up his cross, 3) And come with Me.”
— Discipline: The Glad Surrender by Elisabeth Elliot, page 23 (chapter 4) —
I’m learning that deciding to follow Jesus is a daily matter. Every single day, I have to decide to turn my heart to Him (2 Corinthians 3:16-18), to pray, include and involve Him in all things. Every single day.
2 Corinthians 3:16-18 — “But whenever their heart turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. And the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. But we all with unveiled face, beholding and reflecting like a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, even as from the Lord Spirit.”
Yes, my life is for Him, but that also must include my today, my present. My today includes what I eat, where I am, where I go, who I talk to, what socks I wear, and even how long I brush my teeth. He’s there and He cares. Everyday, my new and fresh love is required.
It’s like frying something in oil — there is no old oil that can be used here. Haha, you could say that everyday (most times, multiple times a day) we need an oil change (maybe that will be the title). // Wow — the miles we drive in our minds apart from Him…Jesus have mercy. // We need to, like in Matthew 25:1-13, be like the wise virgins who paid the price to buy the oil for their lamps. So even on your hard days, please remember (Elona, you too) that you have to buy the oil because you been called for such a time as this — not to do something for God or to try to make Him more proud of you. He just wants you to love Him. Your love for Him is enough, it pays the bills. Love is the only requirement, the only currency accepted. There’s nothing that He desires other than our love.
So stop. Stop your doing, wanting to be, your not being, being, trying to fix yourself, and just tell Him that You love Him. Seriously. He’s simplifying us to love.
Matthew 25:1 —“At that time the kingdom of the heavens will be likened to ten virgins, who took their lamps and went forth to meet the bridegroom.”
Esther 4:14 — “For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from some other place, and you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”
Mark 12:30 — “And you shall love the Lord your God from your whole heart and from your whole soul and from your whole mind and from your whole strength."
For your ♥️: He’s the Dad that shows up to your game and cheers you on even if you’re on the bench the whole game, the One who buys your whole box of World’s Finest Chocolate for your school fundraiser, and the Friend who loves talking to you and never gets tired.
“If I sit here long enough, He’s Daddy enough to find me. There’s no collection of words, there’s no rhythm of talking that would influence Him anymore than He’s already influenced about me,” — Song: ⛓️💥: Leon Timbo, Get the Glory (timestamp: 7:23)
some joys + updates from mid February - end of April w/ pictures:
I’m on a new team this term! I switched from a college campus team to the community team. The community team involves door-knocking, sharing the gospel in parks, passing out free Bibles, and visiting new and old friends.
I miss y’all (my USC fam) — LA on 3, LA on me🤞🏾♥️ ! (2 Timothy 4:7)
My high school bestie got married in February, and I was her maid of honor 🥺 — so crazy that these days are already happening! Love you mucho, mi amiga bonita!
The sistas that I live with took a weekend trip to San Diego!
My birthday was almost 2 months ago, and no one really knew, and it felt cool having a little secret…until halfway through the day, and then I got really sad and cried…but then I saw Mimi w/ a bundt cake (& got a bday card sent from Glori all the way from Georgia (which now lives in my journal)), yay hbd to me🫂
woke up @ 5am & spent the morning w/ Jesus and a slice of carrot cake + candles My friends came to visit from Austin, Texas! This has been one of my top tier moments of my time here, and it felt like I could breathe again. Miss y’all so much.
I took myself to a pottery class, and it was so good + needed (Romans 9:21-23)🍶
If I am learning anything, it’s to give up faster — and to sink in Jesus. To drown. Cry it out and talk to Him. I went home early last week because I just found myself pushing through the day with a headache, confused emotions, overstimulated, sleep deprived, and dehydrated. I got home, cried on a shoulder of a friend (like boo-hoo cried - thank you, Esther for your shoulder), and then showered. After which, I came to my room and this was on my desk. Thank you, M + E.
1 Peter 2:25 —“For you were like sheep being led astray, but you have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.”
(can also be translated as: Guardian) — my soul has a Guardian, wow!
Things have not been easy, and there’s been a lot going on, but in spite of all of this, Jesus has still been calling and beckoning me. He has still been drawing me to Himself. Renewing my love for Him. I thought that Matthew 25 was solely my responsibility, but He is the One who comes to trim the wicks in Revelation 2-3 (in this case, to change my oil) to keep my love for Him, burning. At the end of a really long day, when I realize that I let go of His hand @ 11am, and now it’s 9:17pm, when I close my eyes and my head hits the pillow, I still hear His call, see His face, and He is still whispering to me that He didn’t let me go and He does not need me to be so strong or have everything together, but He just wants to do life together with me — everyday, and each moment in-between. His desire was never for me to do anything alone, and it’s the same with you.
—
as I was writing this, God reminded me of the prayer that I came into this new year with:
“My prayer so far this year has been, “Lord, have mercy on me that I would not be closed off to You. That You would have access to every part of my being, and so you could gain what You’re after in me,” and oh my Lord, may it be so.
When we live a life independent from the Lord, we actually rob Him the opportunity of being able to shepherd us where we are in a specific way. So, I’m still learning. Learning to be simple, to be open, to talk to Him about any and everything, and really just be His kid, and oh also to let myself be loved by Him. Like really loved. The more I see this, the more I’m realizing how simple it is to be loved and to be loved well.”
see more in my first email this year:⛓️💥: The Start of Something New
—
God reminded me of this prayer because He’s answering it. We never know how He will answer the things we ask of Him. So I’m learning to be open to my God, who does all things well. He is doing all things for us to see Him and love Him more. All things have been arranged by His sovereign nail-pierced hands, in love. He knows what He is doing in me and in you.
He dwells with His people below,
He loves in their trials to share;
(Hymn #904 — We Have A Most Glorious King, stanza 1)
Psalm 18:19 — “He brought me forth to a place broad and free; / He rescued me, for He took delight in me.”
(He does all things to bring us to this place. A place broad and free.)
Psalm 18:28 — For it is You who light my lamp; / Jehovah my God lights up my darkness;
Matthew 11:28-30 — “Come to Me all who toil and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.”
Come to Him, there is rest. I’m still learning this, and hope you can too.
Song: ⛓️💥: I'm Desperate for You (UPPERROOM)
Please listen to this song linked above (from the timestamp: 42:00-52:00)
— my prayer:
Jesus, please show me Yourself again
Teach me to find You
To not be content until I do
Jesus, I am lost without You
I am desperate for You
Wake me up like You used to, to spend time with You
Keep drawing me, please don’t stop drawing me
Teach me to be beside myself with You, that I can be
Touch what You haven’t touched before
Keep going where You haven’t gone in me
I still give You access (read Allow Him)
The real me draws the real You
Gain the real and genuine me
Each and every day, Jesus, make me more aware of You
Life is too short to not give You all of me
Day by Day, Elona :)